Participation in the butterfly gardening communities of practice left me with mixed feelings and thoughts.
Primarily due to the short period of time assigned to observing the COP's and the accepted newbie behavior, I was unsuccessful in becoming an active member of the community with which I tried to interact. Yet in both COP's, whenever someone allowed themselves to become vulnerable and share their struggles and their humanity, I felt instantly closer to them and wanted to reach out instinctively. This was a new experience for me since I did not know these individuals. Also, since the sharing was done online I didn't even know what they looked like.
Typically, for me to be vulnerable with someone, I at least have to have gotten beyond the handshake phase of the relationship. Yet in my work environment, in our neighborhood, even in the church we belong to since we moved to Tallahassee just under three years ago, it has become increasingly difficult to truly "connect" with other human beings. Much of this I attributed to growing older and to having moved around so much in my life. These were, undoubtedly, contributing factors but from what I hear other people saying, the way our society is interacting has changed in the last 15 to 20 years.
I used to love listening to one of my best friends, Jane, who celebrated her 94 this year, talk about when her kids were growing up. All the moms in the neighborhood would meet each day for coffee and to socialize while the kids played together. "Moms" became "stay-at-home-moms" to differentiate them from the majority of women who no longer stayed at home with their kids. Coffee and "visiting" in each other's homes has become a tradition of an age long gone. People meet at Starbucks or Panera to chat.
When we first moved into this neighborhood, I made a point to meet as many of the neighbors as I could and had several over for dinner. In two years, all but a few have moved away. While I will admit that I currently work in one of the most hostile environments I have experienced in my life, it is still disappointing to see how guarded my co-workers are about their families and lives away from work.
What if this change in society that I perceive is one of the reasons why social media has met with the success it has? What if it's easier and safer to share who I am with people I don't really know; people who live far away. They (unlike co-workers and neighbors) are only allowed to see the very best side of me....the parts I choose to reveal.
That I should feel such empathy for people I only "knew" briefly online and who never knew I existed. They allowed any and everyone who cared to read their reflections to see a vulnerable part of themselves that face-to-face people seldom do anymore.
I wonder if anyone else experienced what I did?
I moved into a nice little house in a nice little neighborhood about a year ago, and I can honestly say the majority of my encounters (with the exception of 1) have been awkward, to say the least.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if web communities are more a cause or a result of this alienating tendency, but I do appreciate them more now
I see a confluence of social events/phenomena in your post, Yvette. Over the last 50 years, people have had different patterns of moving and settling down (we're much more transient now), which disperses social networks and relationships. Telephones and electronic communication have had a huge influence on how we interact -- and it's not just about interacting with strangers. When I went to college 2000 miles from home I had limited telephone access to my parents. It was expensive! I really couldn't afford to call my high school friends, many of whom were in another country (I grew up in Canada, went to college in the US) which made it even more expensive. Now we don't even think of long-distance charges, plus we have text and emails. And skype/facetime. We can easily and cheaply connect with our most dear friends from just about anywhere. I think that creates a lesser need to interact with neighbors and perhaps coworkers, too (but you may just have a toxic environment).
ReplyDeleteThat said, it is easy to find likeminded others online. I like my coworkers, and I spend a lot of time talking to one of them in particular and have another one over to my house a few times a year, but none of my IS faculty colleagues is someone who I might have sought out for friendship if we met in another setting.
Anyway, I have a book recommendation for you: Networked by Rainie/Wellman. I think you'll really enjoy it.